


Glass

by Toki_Blade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, M/M, Not Betaed, Oneshot, failed attempt at a romance, moirail deprived, stupid medaphors, what are tags even, writing of a stupid teenage girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 16:25:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toki_Blade/pseuds/Toki_Blade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was like glass. </p><p>Glass that had been shattered and cracked over and over so many times that you could hardly see through it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glass

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> I keep trying to write romance things and I keep failing. 
> 
> Here, take this and my soul.
> 
> ~toki

He was like glass.

Glass that had been shattered and cracked over and over so many times that you could hardly see through it anymore.

And he had been patching himself up.

Slowly, over time. Using super glue and JB weld and duct tape and whatever the heck else he could find that might just work.

He’d probably even use gum if he had it available. If it’d hold him together for just that much longer.

The worst part, Dave found, was that many of the cracks were self inflicted.

Hitting himself over and over as his glass fractures and crunches under his own fists.

Digging and gouging at the premade cracks, cutting himself more, making them bigger and more prominent- and for what?

To remember? To realise? To think of every hardship he’s ever gone through, every wrongdoing he’s ever done?

He thinks so low of himself- views himself as less than nothing- that Dave figures he thinks he deserves it.

But he’s wrong.

He is so wrong.

Dave keeps trying, trying to make him see that it’s not so bad.

That he’s not so bad.

But then he always fucks up and Karkat gets offended and starts a one sided screaming match and then absconds before Dave can even fathom apologising.

Not that he’d know how.

And then it takes days after that for Karkat to even have a semi-normal conversation with him again.

And it sucks.

It sucks so bad.

He saw him cry once.

Karkat that is.

All grey and black and sharp corners hiding in a dark crevice. Just shaking and sniveling and probably trying to make himself more presentable to the point that he could rush to his block before somebody saw him.

It didn’t work quite as well as he’d planned though.

He’d stood up and turned around and noticed Dave, who was trying to find a suitable hiding place so as not to wreck Karkat’s self esteem even more that it already was.

His eyes were wide and wet. Pupils dilated, redyellowblack and frantic.

He was still shaking and Dave took a step forward, arms half raised- unsure.

“Karkat?”

He’d asked it so quiet, so gentle that he barely heard it himself.

And maybe that’s what set the troll off.

He hissed and swore. Body and hands tense, face contorted into anger but eyes still showing hurt and self hatred.

And then he left.

Ran past the shocked blond who was terrible at this sort of thing because _what the fuck was he supposed to do_?

It was another two weeks till Dave saw him again.

Small and hunched and curled into himself with dark bags under his eyes grabbing an armful of canned trollgrub from the pantry.

When he heard the shuffle of feet from the entryway he whipped around, hunching lower, eyes narrowing, and a growl at the ready.

When he realized it was Dave he stood a little straighter but didn’t lower his defences much past that.

“Strider.” He said, voice flat and empty. It made Dave wince, the barren anger that used to have so much spark, so much _life_  behind it was now just an angry face.

It used to define who he was, now it was barely a detail; merely something to hide behind.

Dave knew he still had it though. It _had_  to be there, stuff like that didn’t just disappear.

He was just too tired, too broken to work on building it up.

He was working too hard on maintaining his simple image.

Too focused on still being Karkat even when that was one of the last things he was anymore.

Dave nodded to the troll but didn’t move, half formed words caught in his throat.

Karkat rolled his eyes and huffed, then moved to walk around the blond- Dave caught his arm.

He dropped two cans.

“Fuck, Dave! Could you be any more of a screw-up!?”

Where was the long winded insult, the half-storied jeer.

Where was Karkat?

He bent down to pick them up but Dave’s hand prevented him from getting very far.

He blinked, his lips pursing, before standing straight again and glaring at Dave’s chest.

“What.” The word was soft spoken, hardly a question at all. And Dave had a feeling that he knew, he _knew_  what Dave wanted to say but couldn’t, what he wanted to ask.

Dave opened his mouth a fraction- nothing came out. Why was this so hard? Why did caring come so easily to others while he had such a hard time getting his point across?

He licked his lips and tried again- “You’re fine.” Was what came out.

Fuck.

No, that wasn’t right at all. That didn’t even make sense.

“It’s broken but it’s- still together?” That made even less sense and now Karkat was giving him a weird look. “The glass, I mean.” Now he was just rambling.

At least Karkat didn’t look annoyed anymore, just confused.

“You just need to cool down- I rap.” He ended up saying, “draw with Terezi some times, you could join us? Uh, but you probably don’t want to. But- movies. You like movies right? We could watch them sometime. Together I mean. Because being alone-  well it’s nice and all don’t get me wrong- but sometime you just need presence. Like we could just be in the same room, not even talking. Or maybe you could sit with Rose and read? Or, shit. I don’t know. The Mayor’s pretty cool, I’m sure he’d be down if you just wanted to sit and not talk, corse he doesn’t really talk anyways, and like-”

“Strider.” Dave came to an abrupt stop, mouth still partway open. “You’re rambling. Do you have a point?”

“I have so many point man, you don’t even-” Karkat glared, “You don’t have to be so-” _brokenalonesad_  “-this. I mean, you can if you want, that’s cool too, but you don’t have to be. I know I’m a douche but I don’t hate you or anything, so if that’s cool with you we could be bros or something. I don’t know. Watch a movie once a week maybe, just cool our heads. Yeah?”

Karkat blinked, he opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I- you- you- uh. Yeah, sure. Maybe.”

Dave let go of his arm and Karkat picked up his cans.

“Not now, but later maybe, um.”

“Yeah,” said Dave, “no pressure, just hanging out. We don’t even have to talk. I just don’t want- I mean- yeah.”

“Yeah.” Karkat echoed lamely.

They stood there for a few moments, awkward in the small entrance to the pantry.

“Well I’m gonna- go.” The troll moved to the hall and motioned down the hall, “gotta get these back to my room, so.”

“Yeah.” Dave followed him out. “I should to. Go, I mean. Can town is making some nice renditions. You should check it out.”

Karkat nodded, “Yeah, maybe. But I’ll, uh, see you later?”

“Yeah, later.” Dave nodded. He let the silence stretch to an awkward point, “Well, I’ll see’ya I guess.”

He turned around, cursing himself because that could have gone _so much better_.

It also could have gone so much worse.

He’s halfway down the hall when Karkat calls to him again.

Dave glances over his shoulder at the troll, quirking an eyebrow.

Karkat is chewing on his lip, harsh with razor teeth and Dave isn’t sure how it’s not raw yet.

“Thanks.” Is all he says, and gives this tight little nod that makes Dave’s insides feel like moths.

He can’t speak- not right now- so Dave just nods and turns back around, not glancing back at the other.

He may not have fixed anything, but he had let the other know he was willing to try.

To try and help.

 

He was like glass.

Broken and shattered and hurt- sticking out in ways that if you got to close you’d cut yourself.

But he was also getting better.

Someday, maybe not soon, he might be able to be clear again. Dave would help him if he could- if Karkat would let him.

He didn’t mind a few cuts and scrapes- he could handle it.

He could handle it for Karkat.

 


End file.
